Top 10 Lamest DC Comics Villains

Just as famous as the hero’s are some of DC Comic’s villains; look at the Joker, Lex Luthor, Darkseid, and Sinestro just to name a few, and because of their ability to bring our greatest superheroes on their knees and sometimes to the edge of sanity they collect their own fan clubs. People love reading them because  some have an incredible depth to their character, or a mystery surrounding it that leaves their motives unknown, some like them because of their sheer power to put guys like Superman and the Flash on an even keel…but not all of them are awesome. Some leave use scratching our heads wondering what in the world some of the creators were thinking. So in honor of the guys who can’t compare to the big dogs here is our Top 10 Lames DC Comics Villains.

#10. Weather Wizard (Mark Mardon)

Weather Wizard
Weather Wizard

Reason For Being Lame: He controls the weather. With a wand. In an attempt to give him more villain cred though he got some non-wand-dependent powers, but this happened only in the last couple of years: he’s been running around since 1959 waving around a stick creating storms, which in itself can be hardcore, but for guys like Superman and Flash I ask myself, “for 40+ years you couldn’t get this guy’s stick from him?” Lame.

How to make him hardcore: make him a hot woman, in spandex, with no wand. Wait a minute…

#9. Clock King (William Tockman & Temple Fugate)

Clock King

Clock King

Reason For Being Lame: Guns vs. Superheros is lame but at least those guys were trying. Clock King has no powers and no guns, just a great sense of…wait for it…time. Oh and of course he’s also really smart, creates things like teleporters, and the first one was good with a sword. Lately they’ve tried to take him up a notch but really, it’s like lowering a 96′ Honda Civic and putting spinners on it, it’s the car not the accessories that suck.

How to make him hardcore: Give him the power to slow down or speed up the time around him. And screw it, give him a gun.

 

 

#8. Captain Boomerang

Captain Boomerang
Captain Boomerang

Reason For Being Lame: Oh I don’t know, he throws boomerangs! And here’s the part that will blow your mind, he’s Australian. His lameness didn’t go unnoticed though as in 2004 he was killed off, someone shot him. Took 44 years for someone to figure out that a guy with no powers and boomerangs could be stopped by a gun but hey, at least it happened. Don’t get to worried though, he had a son who’s taken up the mantle. Great.

How you can make him hardcore: You don’t.

 

 

#7. Blue Snowman (Byran Brilyant)

Blue Snowman
Blue Snowman

Reason For Being Lame: First off just look at that picture and think about the name Blue Snowman. Secondly, like all powerless beings who fight people with tons of powers, he has a gun, “which she used to create petrifying blizzards and a “defroster ray” to reverse their effect.” (wiki) So reverse blizzards and you read that right, Blue Snowman was a girl, dressed as a guy, dressed as a Blue Snowman.

How to make her hardcore: ditch the cross-dressing, give her a name like Jaqui Frost, and make her eat people. No guns.

 

#6. Dummy (Alter ego unknown)

The Dummy
The Dummy

Reason For Being Lame: It’s exactly what your thinking, a wooden ventriloquist doll that somehow came to life and decided to take it out on the world. Now in 1988 when Child’s Play came out out this became a not-so-lame concept but the trickery he was pulling in the 40′s is just enough to make the list. For a long time it wasn’t known if he was actually a real person or not but after a run-in with Golden Age Green Lantern, Alan Scott, where the Dummy walked through his energy force-field, which didn’t work against wood, was proof that the Dummy was in fact just that. So classic bad asses like the Vigilante were getting beat up and tricked by Pinocchio.

How to make him hardcore: There was a second Dummy created who was not made of wood (Danny the Dummy) but even then it was a stretch. Have him fall in love and marry a beaver, who catches him cheating, and she eats him.

 

 

#5. Fiddler (Isaac Bowin)

The Fiddler
The Fiddler

Reason For Being Lame: We should start with the elephant in the room, Fiddler is only one letter off from Riddler, and he does have magic powers, which he channels through a F’ING FIDDLE. Are you serious? Imagine your middle school band teacher grabbing his tuba and shooting energy blasts out of it. The only cool thing that ever happened to this guy was being killed by Deadshot, a villain who isn’t lame.

How to make him hardcore: He carries around a fiddler case that is really a machine gun. People think he’s there to play for the recital or give your kids lessons, but the tricks on you.

 

#4. Goldilocks (Alter ego unknown)

Goldilocks
Goldilocks

Reason For Being Lame: Straight from wikipedia.com “Her hair is incredibly strong.” She can control it, manipulate it, make it grow, and wreak all kinds of havoc. Why someone thought the girl who found the porridge and bed that was ‘juuuust right’ needed crazy hair she could control is beyond me (Wouldn’t Rapunzel make more sense?). She’s also infamous for wanting to make Robin her “prince charming.” So she’s lame AND a freak.

How to make her hardcore: If strong hair and an unknown alias wasn’t hardcore enough for you she could use some combs that shoot fire or poisonous hair spray.

 

#3. Sportsmaster (Lawrence Crock)

The Sportsmaster
The Sportsmaster

Reason For Being Lame: Sportsman runs around throwing exploding hockey pucks, flying bases, and exploding baseballs while dressing up like a fisherman or golf pro (depending on the event he’s crashing). I guess seeing a rocket baseball bat or exploding football would be scary but behind every fishing lure lined with acid is a sad man who got beat up by the varsity team as a sophomore in high school. Personally, I blame the parents; for never checking what their 30 year old son is doing down in the basement with all those beakers and mysterious drums of chemicals.

How to make him hardcore: turn him into a 350 pound NFL linemen who runs an underground mafia. And if you join his posy you’ll always get those awesome cookies his mom makes during meetings.

 

 

#2. Doctor Spectro (Tom Emery)

Doctor Spectro
Doctor Spectro

Reason For Being Lame: Doctor Spectro is so lame that even the the other comic book characters have pity on him, Green Arrow in #26 said, “When a guy twice your size in a costume tells you to stop doing something–you stop! Unless it’s the Riddler. Or that moron Doctor Spectro. ‘Cause they’re just…sad.” And sad is right, since Doctor Spectro has the ability to change his opponent’s emotions. So he’s supposed to beat up the likes of Wonder Woman, Batman, and Green Lantern by affecting their mood swings? He’s so low on the villain totem pole that dcuguide.com has classified him as a “super-crook.” Can’t even get the “villain” word in there. So sure, you or I could beat the crap of ol’ Spectro but beware, how dumb will you feel when people see you’ve been crying?

How to make him hardcore: Get rid of that ridiculous costume, make him go through a divorce which makes him so mad that he attacks Superman in a fury of rage and since he controls people emotions he’ll make Superman mad too, then Superman kills him. Wait…that’s sad not hardcore.

 

#1. Tweedlede and Tweedledum (Dumfree and Deever Tweed)

Tweedledee and Tweedledum
Tweedledee and Tweedledum

Reason For Being Lame: the #1 lamest DC villain of all time takes the cake by a mile; wikipedia quotes as their power and abilities, “have no powers, but their fat bodies enable them to bounce.” Ok, now read that again but slower, Fat bodies…enable…them…to bounce. Are. You. Kidding. Me? Where do I even start? Well I guess it’s worth noting that fat bodies don’t bounce, I doubt someone named Dumfee or Deever, who have no powers and limited physical ability are capable of getting hired thugs they can boss around, and I wonder how the ability to bounce would give any person (not just superheroes) enough trouble to tell a good story. No guns, no magic, no costumes, no gimmicks, just two fat cousins who bounce.

The Shining Twins

How to make them hardcore: Grant Morrison actually included the two as inmates in his Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth, where they were attached to each other via electroshock helmets, one controlling the right side of the brain the other controlling the left side. I’d like to think that giving them weird haircuts and putting them in a creepy situation (circus with the joker or torturers with the Black Mask) could actually make them pretty intense, specially if they talked weird or had blood stains all over their shirt collars. Kinda reminds me of the two twins in the Shining. So unlike our Boomerang boy and Doctor Spectro, I think these guys could be done right.

So there you have it, the Top 10 Lames DC Comics Villains of all time. What’s even more sad than this list is a) all the other lame-o’s that didn’t make the cut (like Hellgrammite, Puzzler, and Fastball) and b) lame villains isn’t something of the past, it’s more relevant today than ever. Most recently Batman got taken down by a group of high rolling gamblers, Goldilocks (the chick with the hair) was created in 2006, Captain Boomerang’s son is taking over for him, and it was only 12 years ago that Arnold Swarzenegger quoted, “Everybody Freeze.” It isn’t all bad though, they give us something to laugh at.

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12 Comments

  1. Wayland Smith says:

    So… you dislike the Flash Rogues, got it. This Clock King you picture here DOES have powers. He’s a precog, like Ravager. Its why he was so interested in her. Its also how be beat Robin to a pulp. Mayhap a bit more research?

  2. Kello says:

    I think if you don’t like one of the Rogues, there’s a good chance you won’t like most of them. As far as the clock king, he looks and sounds lame at first glance, but the fact that he acts as a master tactician and seems to be one step ahead of everyone works in his favor as an interesting villain. But I’ll agree with sportsmaster!

  3. MatthewHex says:

    Sportsmaster gets my lamest vote. Hillarious

  4. John says:

    I don’t care if they live on Apokolips and are the right hand man to Darkseid themselves, if they channel magic through a fiddle or throw boomerangs at the guy who can outrun sound they are lame in my book.

    And despite the recent attempts to spice up Clock King, he’ll always be lame in my book.

    And I couldn’t stop laughing at Sportsmaster when I was reading up on him.

  5. Mason says:

    In hand to hand combat, I would feel pretty confident when it comes to these wannabe’s. I would feel confident going up against 3 or 4 of them even. I can only imagine knocking out Captain Cold, breaking his shades at the same time, freezing him with his own freeze gun then smashing him into pieces with a hammer. Wouldn’t take more then about 30 seconds.

  6. vinidici says:

    Most of these “lame villains” hail from a more innocent day and time in the comic book industry, when the principle buyers were KIDS. Later, the kids grew up. Subsequent stories, retcons, etc. on the majority of the characters being trashed in your blog have broght them much more up to date–e.g., the Rogues during the last ten years or so in the Flash series and the Fiddler in a Hawkman annual from the 1990′s. Modern writers have given most of these characters renewed reason to continue making appearances. And you are obviously no fan of the Flash to be making your assesments based on less-than-current portrayals of the Rogues.

  7. Rhydon says:

    Laugh. You obviously don’t follow Flash’s rogues– much of the writing involving them is fantastic. They’re not two-dimensional (they’re actually people) and certainly not take-over-the-world types. The gimmicks are actually secondary– i.e. Mark Madron, Leonard Snart etc. would be interesting characters without ever being a villain at all. I mean, seriously, if you can move at the speed of light, ANYONE you fight is “dead”– superman, batman, green lantern… it doesn’t matter. Pick up a metal bar, accelerate to the speed of light and release on a trajectory with your target.

    Thus, Flash villains (some of them, anyway– the rogues certainly) end up trying to avoid the Flash– the gimmicks are really just a chance to get away intact. Accordingly, the writers have to have complex motivations and decent stories to make the book interesting. In a similar manner, one of the more interesting things I saw was Iris Allen traveling back in time to the Fall of Rome to meet up with Zoom to hire him to bushwhack her grandson, Bart Allen. It was a great scene, even though her plot failed. The point is, it’s the writing that makes characters like Iris Allen, Mark Madron (weather wizard), Leonard Snart (Captain Cold), and Digger Harkness (Captain Boomerang, now dead) interesting. They’re great STORIES.

    The only villains I’ve seen with as interesting backgrounds and personalities are some of the Batman villains– joker, etc.

    Take Captain Boomerang. Absolutely an absurd villain from the beginning. And yet the personality is hilarious (albeit he’s now dead). Ditto for James Jesse (trickster I). Pretty much a con-artist at heart, yet excellently written in Underworld Unleashed.

    • John says:

      Good point. I agree that any villain, despite the absurdity, with the right writer can be turned from dud to stud.

      I would like to note though that for as much hate as I get for this post, 99% from Flash fans assuming I’ve never picked up a Flash book (if only they knew), only 1 Flash villain made the top 5; 2 Batman villains made it and there are 3 in the whole list, surprised I don’t get hate from the Bat fans (me being a HUGE fan), so I did not intentionally play bias. For future lists though I’ll make sure to highlight the word “diversity” in my notes.

  8. Haha love your list. Doctor Spectro is so super lame, I can’t believe anyone thought that was a good idea.

  9. You make some good points. I guess it depends on your standpoint. – Let us be thankful for fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. – Mark Twain 1835 – 1910

  10. This is remarkable. Truly astounding insights. Yeah, we think that Grant can make Starro cool.

  11. Daniel Johns says:

    Out of this list, The Sportsmaster has got to be the lamest villain. The knee high fisherman’s boots are classic!! lol

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