A Blackest Night/Teen Titans parody

Blackest Night

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So, the Blackest Night crossover is about to start over at DC Comics. The dead return, people get creeped out, etc, etc. With the Titans in their various forms having such a high body count, they have a lot of choices for who they bring back. According to DCComics.com, the original Terra will be one of them.

Now, that’s all well and good, but somehow, I can’t help but notice something: while a lot of Titans have indeed died, a lot of them have returned from the dead. Somehow, I can’t get this image out of mind, so I thought I’d share with/inflict it on you folks.

Black Lantern paces, laughing evilly “Next up, I will destroy the Teen Titans! I can summon the dead, and I will strike at their very hearts! I will bring back one of their most beloved members to bring them unimaginable grief. I summon… DONNA TROY!”

Nothing happens. The assembled minions surrounding the Black Lantern murmur among themselves, and then one steps forward with a clipboard (Every organization has this guy).

“Excuse me, sir? Donna Troy did die, but she came back to life.”

“WHAT? She was shot through the HEART! How dead do you need to be?” roars the Black Lantern.

“Well… yes, but that sent her to another dimension, where she-”

“Never mind, this stuff gives me a headache. Why doesn’t anyone ever stay dead…. ok, fine. No Troy. One person caused the team to reform in their most popular and best known incarnation. They’ll fall apart when they see her under my control. I call forth… RAVEN!”

Again, nothing happens. “Excuse me, but she was brought back when Brother Blood grew her a new body-”

“Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know. Fine, no Troy, no Raven. They had a gentle soul who rebelled against his father’s evil and violence, and brought some artistic talent to their group. I’ll make him come back and turn his insight to my own ends. JERICHO!”

“Ummm….. his soul was stored on a disc after hiding in his father’s body-”

“STOP! Just… stop. I mean… come on now… Didn’t a Robin die? Isn’t he important to them?”

“Well, this being called Superboy Prime punched a crystal wall-”

“Never mind. I don’t want to know. Kid Flash? Superboy?”

“They’re back in the 30th century, as chronicled in the five issue but 12 month at least long series-”

“Forget it. Ok, let me see that.” Black Lantern rips the clipboard from the lackey. “Who’s STILL dead?” He starts murmuring. “Kole? Who cares? Aquagirl? What the heck is a Baby Wildebeest? Osiris? He was a Titan for what, five minutes? Marvin?” He throws the board aside in disgust after looking at the list of the Titans who’ve returned from the dead. “This is supposed to terrify them! To strike fear in their hearts and unbelievable mental anguish! If they keep coming back anyway, how is this different from any other day for them?” He looks over the current team roster. “And Kid Eternity is on the team now? He brings the dead back all the time, it’s what he DOES. They see this every day. I give up!” He tosses papers everywhere, and stalks off muttering “Maybe I can scare the Justice Society or something, didn’t some of their founders die, like Hourman?”

Minion follows “Well, actually sir, he was brought back when..” A loud scream sounds in the distance.