Dark Avengers #12 Review

Dark Avengers #12

Dark Avengers #12 - Methinks I have discovered a formula coming on.

In the last issue, some stuff happened like Victoria Hand being outed as a lesbian (like she could be any hotter).  The Sentry was blown up again.  Norman Osborn was naked and had to face down the Molecule Man and his made up posse of pals.  The Molecule Man acted like a spoiled brat and the so on.

Okay, so in this new issue, Victoria shows up with most of the H.A.M.M.E.R. troops to confront the Molecule Man.  She’s really there to stall him until they can figure out how to destroy him, but just to show how powerful he is, the Molecule Man makes her clothes disappear – I kid you not.

Let’s break this down for a second…  What was the point of stripping Hand’s clothes, leaving her with only an undershirt and panties on her body?  What’s the point of revealing she is a lesbian?  I figure the first one is to embarrass her.  Tough chick comes up to you and she’s got an army with her.  If she’s hot with her sexy librarian looks and big boobs, you’d probably like to see her without her clothes on.  In the real world, you can kiss your kibbles ‘n bits goodbye.  In a world created by Brian Michael Bendis, this is the logical next step to being confronted by a woman.  I felt the embarrassing stuff was done last month by making her a lesbian for no reason at all.  Maybe if you’re a tough chick who is second in charge to the most powerful man on the planet, you have to be a ball-busting lesbian.  Yeah, sounds good.  It’s the Bendis Factor all over again.

Okay, so some more stuff happens and the Sentry gets blown up AGAIN.  No shit, he gets blown up for like the 14th time since this series began.  I guess this guy can’t do much of anything.  Or can he?!?  He pulls himself back together and comes to the rescue of the whole team by discovering that he can also manipulate molecules.

Wait…  The Sentry, the most powerful single person in perhaps all of comics, can also manipulate molecules?  Holy Dan Uggula, this is kinda out of nowhere.  This totally trumps the whole Victoria Hand is a lesbian thing.  What’s next?  Steve Rogers wakes up and realizes he’s been dreaming everything since before Civil War?  Is Patrick Duffy in his shower also?  Apparently the guy who can’t stay in one piece for an entire issue is literally godlike in power levels.  I mean, I guess that worked for Superman.  Not only could he sing a little ditty to destroy Darkseid at the end of the abortion known as Final Crisis, but he also has the space and ability to shrink EVERY SINGLE PERSON on Earth to little bite size proportions and freeze them in icecube trays so reality can be rebooted.  Marvel must have said, “Okay DC, suck on this – The Sentry can manipulate every single molecule in the entire universe.  Eat that.”

I’d talk about art from Mike Deodato and Greg Horn, but what’s the point?  They do what they do well and they make the issue look pretty.  However, it’s hard to enjoy the art when you’re constantly scratching your head while reading the story.

To wrap this up, I mentioned that I felt a formula coming on.  After reading this issue, I discovered that if I did the following, I could be a mega star writer like Brian Michael Bendis:

1.  Pull stuff out of my ass.

2.  Blow the Sentry up.

(Image courtesy of Marvel Comics.)