Dark Avengers #9 Review

While reading Brian Michael Bendis’ Dark Avengers, I sometimes ask myself, “Why should I care about the biggest jerks in the world pretending to be superheroes?”  On top of that, can any of the people on this team really do much of anything other than soil the name Avengers?

First, you have Norman Osborn dressed up as “Iron Patriot”.  He’s A-1 choice ground jerk and the maestro of the whole Dark Reign.  Despite wearing boosted Iron Man armor, he’s won the hearts of the country by killing the Skrull Queen on live television.

He’s built a team of Avengers on “legacy” characters.  He’s dressed Venom up as Spider-Man.  Bullseye is the new Hawkeye.  He’s got Wolverine’s punk rocker son, Daken, taking his dad’s name.  Lastly, Karla Sofen (originally known as Moonstone) is the new Ms. Marvel.

The above mentioned team members are all psycho…  Murderously so.  However, the parade of nutjobs doesn’t end there.  Acting as the Thor-ish beef on the team, Ares is a man bent on fighting in battles and carries a battle axe around.  A guy who does that, isn’t doing so for looks – he’s planning on splitting skulls.  After all, Ares is the freakin’ GOD OF WAR, so I guess you can’t expect much else.  The biggest, and easily the strongest, headcase in all the Marvel Universe, The Sentry, is also on this team.  He joined because Osborn has convinced him that he’s the only one who can help silence the massively destructive Void and keep it from consuming the entire planet.

This particular issue centers around one of Nick Fury’s “Secret Warriors”.  Not only is he one of the so-called “terrorists” that Osborn wants to wipe off the map, but he’s just a little kid.  And to top it all off, he’s Ares’ son.  We see Ares as a tough, unforgiving father.  When asked if he felt whether it was a good idea or not to follow Osborn, Ares makes it very clear that he’s smarter than some child and what he says goes – period.

Ares follows his kid and another of the Secret Warriors to one of Nick Fury’s safehouses.  After barging in, Ares has a nice, civilized chat with Fury about wanting his son to be able to choose his own path in life and to have someone strong and wise to help him raise his son.  Ares wants to break the cycle of his father and his father’s father.  He allows his son to stay with Fury’s team.  On his way out, Ares lets Fury know that despite the humiliation of Osborn having Fury’s old job, Osborn’s doing a good job.  In a classic Nick Fury panel, we get a little teaser of what could come – Nick Fury’s revenge on Norman Osborn.

Meanwhile, back at Avengers Tower, we get some Bendis-esque banter between the Jerk Avengers.  I was beginning to think we were going to miss out on that classic BMB wit, but alas, I was wrong.  While they talk about whatever the hell they were talking about and sucking up a page of story, The Sentry comes home to his wife, Lindy, holding some sort of outer space gun (Science!  Technology!  Weapons from the future!) to his face.  Confused, The Sentry is trying to figure out why his wife would do such a thing.  She tells him that she’s tired of being a prisoner and never being allowed to go outside anymore.  BLAM!  Sentry takes one to the face.

Where’s Norman Osborn during all this, you ask?  He’s apparently stuck in some super industrial crapper.

Despite that it really seems Mr. Bigshot Savior of the Earth Osborn is locked inside a bathroom in the basement of Avengers Tower, this issue is really pretty good on a couple levels.  First, you get to see a side of Ares that you don’t normally see.  He’s really putting aside his allegiance to Osborn and giving his son a chance to do something great while learning from one of the greatest leaders in the Marvel Universe.

Second, we’re probably pretty well set up for a couple arcs down the road.  For the next story, we should find out what the hell’s going on with The Sentry and what did his wife shoot him with?  The other will be the big fight between Nick Fury and his Secret Warriors and Norman Osborn and his Dark Avengers.  Could this finally be Fury’s chance to save the world since he missed out at the end of Secret Invasion?