"LISTS"

Top 10 DC Comics Animals

With more than 70 years now of superheros, aliens, and anything else imaginable pushing the envelope of comic book creativity we can’t forget the role that animals have played it in. Whether they’re a pet, their own character, or a metaphor; logical or ridiculous, animals have impacted comics and superheros more than is sometimes realized and so in honor of some of the most memorable, bad ass, or best here is our Top 10 DC Comics Animals.

#10. Comet

CometWHY: When you talk about some of the best DC Comics animals Comet has to make the list. Not because he’s hardcore. Not because he looks awesome. Not because he won some big battle or has a large reputation within the stories. Comet is on the list because there may not be any more ridiculous comic book animal ever created. Originally Comet is Supergirl’s horse (Why does Supergirl need a horse again?) who used to be a Greek centaur that was mistakenly turned into a horse. To make up for it he was given a ton of powers and every time a comet passes through the same solar system he’s in he turns human for awhile. So guess what? He turns human in front of Supergirl, adopts the name “Bronco”, and they fall in love. Then he turns back into a horse and Supergirl decides to keep him around and saddle him up whenever she doesn’t feel like floating. He was later rebooted to be a half-horse half-human creature who was Supergirls bi-sexual stand-up comic friend and could shape-shift from man to woman. What started out as “Hey, Supergirl should have a horse” turned into that.

Wiki link: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comet_%28DC_Comics%29

#9. Topo

Topo the Octopus

Topo Plays Banjo

WHY: Aquaman is no newbie to pun and ridicule, and despite the loyal fans or creators that have tried to legitimize him (some actually doing a good job) he’ll always have a certain amount of history that keeps him grounded for many in camp and corniness; thusly let me introduce you to Topo, Aquaman’s pet Octopus. Don’t roll your eyes just yet though, Topo wasn’t your average cephalopod. He was trained by Green Arrow in archery, can play 8 instruments at once, and has humanlike intelligence. Now, why an underwater anything would need to shoot arrows or play instruments is beyond me but if I saw an Octopus actually doing them, it would be quite the site.

Wiki link: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Topo_%28DC_Comics%29

#8. Bzzd

WHY: Although technically not an animal but an insect who’s technically not an insect but an alien Bzzd is close enough to the animal category to make the list and certainly hardcore enough to hang with the some of the best and most classic. Not only was Bzzd himself more than effective in battle but he helps represent and prove just how creative yet grounded comics can get. Always taken seriously and never underestimated amongst his peers Bzzd was as true of a Green Lantern as you can get. The contrast of him having a planet for a partner (Mogo) and even leading an army of Green Lanterns to defend him his more than a lot of other comic book animals can say for themselves.

Wiki link: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Green_Lanterns#Bzzd

#7. Detective Chimp

Detective ChimpWHY: Any animal who swaps theories with Batman via chat, is granted the Helmet of Fate, a member of Mensa, and loves a good cigar is cool enough to make the list. And his recent putting together of the Shadowpact team helped him save all of magic (not a bad note on the resume). Probably the greatest things about Detective Chimp though is that he makes for a fun read. Detective Chimp isn’t treated or acts like a chimp but as smart Sherlock-Holmes-wannabe-detective. Which is better than watching him eat bananas and finding bugs in his teammates back hair.

Wiki link: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Detective_Chimp

#6. Bubastis

WHY: How could you make a list like this and NOT include Bubastis? She was the Boba Fett of Watchmen; the mystery surrounding her made her remain memorable in a story where she was barely featured. Watchmen is arguably one of the greatest comic book’s of all time and one of it’s most iconic images is Ozymandias and his genetically-enhanced companion lurking around his Antartic retreat watching televisions and planning out his utopia. Bubastis never plays a large role and only lives within the short amount of pages of Watchmen’s story (and now in the few scenes in the movie) but is easily one of the most remembered animals in DC Comics.

Wiki link: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Characters_of_Watchmen

#5. Mister Tawky Tawny

Mister Tawky Tawny

WHY: First, look at that picture and tell me this guy isn’t worthy. In his most recent appearance Mister Tawky Tawny put on an ass kicking clinic that ended with a dead Kalibak (you know, Darksieds son). A member of the Marvel Family he’s got a history that goes back to the 1940′s. Whether he’s the Golden Age tiger-who-wants-to-be-human or the current doll-turned-sapient-tiger Mister Tawky Tawny plays a significant role in DC Comics and has survived the test of time. His current whereabouts are unknown after his appearance in Final Crisis but with Grant Morrison in the drivers seat at DC you can bet there is more tiger goodness on the horizon.

Wiki link: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marvel_Family

#4. Ace

Ace

Ace Batman BeyondWHY: Two words; Batman’s Dog. The original “Bat-Hound” started out as the masked crime fighting assistance to Batman and Robin (yup, he wore a mask), ended up being seen sparingly post-crisis, and eventually was lost in the shuffle of other forgotten about characters only seen here and there. He makes this list though for his role in the Batman Beyond animated series where he played more than just a gimmicky role. Anyone familiar with the series knows just how often he contributed and in a time where Bruce was too old to zip around skyscrapers and Alfred was long gone Ace filled the “batman family” hole and at times was representative of Bruce’s old Batman spirit or the help he had from all his friends that had moved on. He saved Terry McGinnis’s life on several occasions and could always be found at Bruce’s side. Superhero pets are as gimmicky as it gets but Ace was the first animal that I actually bought into.

Wiki link: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ace_the_Bat-Hound

#3. Gorilla Grodd

Gorilla GroddWHY: No gorilla in all of science fiction may be as persistent and smart as Gorilla Grodd. This isn’t your typical over-sized silver back roaming around not knowing any better; Grodd is arguably one of the smartest, most violent, and respected villains in DC Comics and has outlasted The Flash for almost 50 years now. Reputable villains such as Vandal Savage and Lex Luthor have sought him out and he’s been on several of the more infamous teams like the Secret Society of Super Villains and the Injustice League. IGN.com even ranked him the 35th best comic book villain of all. [en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gorilla_Grodd

#2. Krypto

Krypto1

WHY: Krypto the dog is THE definitive superhero animal. He doesn’t have any telekinetic powers, no history of being human at one time or any weird past lives, he’s man’s best friend…just Super. He defends Superman in combat and lays next to him during those long summer sunsets when Clark is taking a day off in Smallville. And it’s this simple nature that makes Krypto the greatest. He’s a Superdog; and it’s as simple as that. You’ll never see him speaking to anyone and he never turns human or anything like that. He’s the equivalent to a firefighter or policeman’s dog. He’s cute, protective, and a great companion to the Superman family. In a genre that has mind controlling gorillas, ring-powered bees, and once-human-and-in-love horses it’s nice to have Krypto show up and be a normal dog…just Super.

Wiki link: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krypto

#1. Bats

Bats

WHY: Although not written as a character Bats play a much larger and subliminal role than you may think. Consider how different the DC Universe would be had it been a vulture, owl, or raven that haunted Bruce Wayne? Batman’s influence has stretched past just being a character in the DCU and in stories where he isn’t even largely included the imagery or presence of Bats can set the mood. Characters like Robin, Nightwing, and Catwomen can still largely be represented by some kind of Bat-imagery, without their characters directly being related. After all these years Bats have slowly become an elemental part of the DC Universe and represent far more than one single character. In the DC Universe Bats represent motifs such as mystery, fear, shadows, night, scary, smart, and dark…how many characters could fit under that umbrella?

By no means does just 10 cover all the DC animals; there’s Streaky the cat, Beppo the monkey, the dolphins that Aquaman always ride when he pokes his head out of the water, and many many others but out of all of them these are some just some out favorites, our Top 10 DC Comics Animals.

Still want more?

For more lists like this visit our COMIC BOOK LIST section for lists like the Top 10 Sexiest Comic Book Guys or the Top 10 Comic Book Girls I’ve Crushed On.

+Continue Reading

Top 10 Sexiest Comic Book Guys

Just as guys have always crushed on the females of comics, the small(er) number of women who read also have similar attractions. They may be simply lines and colors on a page but they sure can change the way you see a comic. So, enjoy the Top 10 Sexiest Comic Book Guys.

#10. The Flash (Wally West)

The Flash

WHY: I debated whether or not to start my list with Wally or Hal Jordan. It was a tough call this far down but Wally wins out because of one reason: family dedication. Looks-wise, I’d say Jordan wins by a hair but Wally’s so ridiculously family guy that it clinched it for me. Also a big bonus: The Speed Force. I mean, come on! Plus, he’s got really pretty green eyes to accentuate the red hair. Yum.

#9. Green Arrow (Oliver Queen)

green arrow

WHY:Though I find the cheesy goatee utterly amusing (and not in a good way), there’s a reason Ollie makes this list, and it’s not the Robin Hood get-up. I think it’s the way he’s the most upstanding guy without being kind of a dork in a Superman way. He actually believes what he stands for and doesn’t hesitate to back it up. Plus, the man’s ripped. Aside from some general asshattery, the guy’s pretty awesome.

#8. Midnighter (Unknown)

midnighter

WHY:Being known only as Midnighter makes him even cooler in my opinion. I rank him in my list because he is the unattainable. The man’s totally dedicated and in love with his husband, Apollo but that adds to his hotness. Throw in his dark brooding personality and we have a winner. It’s Midnighter that made me want to read more of The Authority.

#7. Superman (Clark Kent)

Superman

WHY:Ok ok, so he’s a big ol’ Boy Scout and almost TOO good but he’s, well, indestructible and attractive in a “you’re a big dork” kind of way. There’s a reason Lois Lane sticks by him: he’s polite and bumbling and an all around good guy. Oh, and he can save the world. Never mind that though because as Clark Kent, he’s all lovable and cuddly. I also love reading Superman/Batman because they’re interactions are so cute; they don’t even realize it. So Superman ranks seventh on my list; yeah, he’s pretty.

#6. Red Arrow/Arsenal (Roy Harper)

Roy Harper

WHY:Two phrases that sum up the attraction to Harper: “Tortured past” and “Dedicated father.” What do women want but men who need healing and a guy who’s a good dad? Also a fabulous friend to Dick Grayson, Roy’s the kind of upstanding man women dig. The second red-head on my list, Roy’s got the kind of personality to make it to number six, despite the heroin addiction so many years ago. We can forgive that, can’t we?

#5. Gambit (Remy LeBeau)

Gambit

WHY:With his smoldering red eyes, tightly muscled thighs and that Cajun accent, Remy worms his way into the hearts of many a woman in the comic book world and beyond. His forbidden romance with Rogue symbolized the ultimate thrill for me as a teenage girl reading the pages of Uncanny Xmen. Plus, he has a secret history of theft and roguery that lends itself to the mysterious persona. Bo staff skills and kinetic energy are big bonuses when it comes to this crafty Cajun.

#4. Robin III/Red Robin (Tim Drake)

Robin III

WHY:I am reluctant to admit my thing for young Timothy for he really IS pretty young. Though his age is often debated (some feel he ought to be perpetually 17) I think he’s technically around 18 now. But if you’re a devout Bat-reader, you’d know that Tim is wise beyond his years. He has mad skills like his older “brother”, Dick, but he’s more calculated and intense, intuitive and introspective. I dare say when he grows up, he’ll even surpass Dick in the sexiness department.

#3. Batman/Nightwing (Richard Grayson)

Nightwing yum

WHY:Though he may have gone through a lot of REALLY bad costumes – both as Robin and Nightwing – Dick remains one of the sexiest guys to grace the pages of a comic book. Be it his, er, assets, as accentuated by the last Nightwing costume or the fact that he’s gotten into his share of superheroin beds, Dick oozes charm. I’m diggin’ him as Batman and I also really like the relationship between him and young Damian. It is, dare I say, cute.

#2. Wolverine (Logan)

Wolverine

WHY:Without projecting any qualities on this character that may have come from Hugh Jackman’s performance in the movies, this guy is still tops. I fell in love with him more than a decade before anyone made an Xmen film. He may be only 5’7’’ but his muscled body brings more to the table than if he were an entire foot taller. He’s the perpetual bad boy and I always loved how he had the hots for Jean even thoug we all know it’s Scott and Jean. The feral animal instinct, the loner mentality, and his apparent reluctance to admit that he actual *cares* for you bring Wolvie in at number two on this list.

#1. Batman (Bruce Wayne)

Batman

WHY:I had to make the distinction because first and foremost, in his own head, he is Batman and then Bruce Wayne. But the fact of the matter is, there’s nothing sexier than a man a.) dressed all in black, b.) who IS the night and who c.) has a ton of gadgets and knows how to use them. He’s well-traveled, extremely well read, and always has a trick up his sleeve. He can be silent and cunning and yet, charismatic and charming. Bruce Wayne, when in Playboy mood, can charm the panties off any Gotham lady but his true sexiness comes through when he’s out for justice, saving the soul of Gotham when he ought to be in bed. And oh how women dream about Bruce Wayne’s bed. Batman represents the ultimate dark hero and to me, is the number one pick on this list. Love ya, Bats!

Still want more?

For more lists like this visit our COMIC BOOK LIST section for ones like Marvel’s Top 10 Hottest Heroines, our Top 5 Villains Who Could Carry A Mini-Series, and our Top 10 tag.

+Continue Reading

Top 10 Hottest Marvel Heroines

Let’s face it, superheroines are hot.  They typically wear tight clothing, they are normally fit beyond all reason for all the strength and (at times) children they have, and because they are more than an ordinary human, they are that much more unattainable.  Just take a second and think of that girl/lady/woman that you sit next to in class, or buy your coffee from in the morning, or are working with on that big project at your job.  Now think of her dressed up as Wonder Woman or Black Widow or Black Canary.  She’s at least 10 times hotter, isn’t she?  Of course she is.

+Continue Reading

Top 10 Favorite Avengers (Geoff)

The Avengers have been the team affiliation for numerous Marvel heroes (and even villains).  These characters have ranged from the strong to the intelligent and from big to small.  The Avengers often nearly double the number of members of the Fantastic Four.  They often have more combined might than the X-Men.  Of all the teams and all the characters to be associated with, if you get the opportunity to only ever be a reserve Avengers, you’ve made the big time.  Since their humble beginnings in 1963, no threat to the planet can measure up to Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.  As a life long fan, I decided to devise a list of the best of the best, the cream of the crop.  So, enjoy My Top 10 Favorite Avengers!

+Continue Reading

Top 5 Comic Book Fan Q & A about the Disney Marvel buy

Unless you’ve been living under a rock you’ve already heard the Internet-breaking fan-hysteria-inducing news; the Disney Corp. has bought Marvel Comics. Well, A few weeks have passed by…and no, it wasn’t all a weird dream, it happened (well, technically not yet, but it will). If you search for “Disney buys Marvel” in Google you’ll get 4,770,000 search results, so there’s enough content on the subject, but here I wanted to condense some of the confusion and give you the Top 5 Comic Book Fan Questions & Answers about the future of Marvel Comics, a now subsidiary company of Disney Corp. (feels so weird to say that). These questions were picked for there relevance to the actual comics themselves and will hopefully shed some light on what to expect.
* Disclaimer – these questions and answers are compiled from research and opinions of people much more plugged in than me mixed with my personal opinions. I’ll link to all sources as to give you an idea of where these answers come from; however, understand that nothing is set in stone and these are just best guesses.

+Continue Reading

Top 10 Comic Book Girls I’ve Crushed On In Comics

dc_babes

Growing up as a teenage boy reading 90′s comics had it’s ups and downs; I witnessed Kingdom Come and Marvels, Jim Lee on X-Men, long haired superheroes, and far too many company crossovers, but some of my favorite memories are crushing on the poofy haired, bright colored, hard knocked women who controlled the hearts of my favorite heroes. So in honor of them here are the Top 10 Comic Book Girls I’ve Crushed On.

#10. Rogue

 

Rogue

My first real introduction to Rogue was in the X-Men Cartoon, and being the geeky kid who’s mom fixed my hair for picture day and bought some of my clothes, Rogue was that dreamy older woman who would let me wear ripped jeans, ride on her motorcycle (I assumed she had one), fall in love with me, and of course, always wear tight yellow and green spandex.

Rosayn (Calvin and Hobbes)

 

Rosalyn

I grew up reading Calvin and Hobbes and although I admittedly didn’t have a real “thing” for Rosayn I always enjoyed reading her stories with Calvin; I wonder if somewhere deep down inside Calvin was starting to crush on his babysitter (and honestly, which one of us haven’t?) We know he is destined for Susie Derkins but all the times he hid Rosayn’s homework, locked her out of the house, or crank called her boyfriend…sounds like a crush to me.

#8. Vicki Vale

 

Vicki Vale

Despite never playing a major role in the Batman mythos and being an obvious Louis Lane rip-off I’ve always had an obligated crush on the Ms. Vale. I mean, if she’s good enough for Bruce Wayne, she’s good enough for me. Also, in 1989 Kim Basinger was a-mazing.

#7. Amazon

Amazon

When I was 12 years old Marvel vs. DC Comics was the most mind blowing, out of this world, crazy event ever. It was heaven for me; and other than Dark Claw no one intrigued me as much as Amazon. The coming together of Wonder Woman and Storm was just too much for my head to contain. It was love at first site and for as much flak as 90′s comics get, this was one of it’s shining moments for me (sad…I know).

#6. Barbara Gordon

Barbara Gordon

As a devout Batman fan how was I NOT supposed to crush on Barbara Gordon? Her level of depth in the Batman mythos was deeper than any other female character and despite her lake of kick-butt action or wanting-to-bust-out-of-the-spandex-body (both of which she sports once in awhile) she was still able to catch the affection of some of DC’s finest like Dick Grayson; whether it was her leadership, smarts, or those glasses, Barbara Gordon was always a little different…and that made her all the more desirable.

#5. April O’Neil

April O'Neil

Any redhead woman (although originally she had dark brown/black hair) who wears a yellow jumpsuit, loves pizza, and hangs out with the ninja turtles more than qualifies as a crush. Given the size of my obsession as a kid though I imagine our date would consist of me asking question about what it’s like to hang out with “the guys” and her repeatedly checking the time.

#4. Emma Frost

 

Emma Frost

I’ve never read a ton of X-Men and sadly I know very little about Emma as a character…but if ever there was a centerfold model to the Marvel universe it is Emma Frost. And with artists like Greg Horn it didn’t take much for me to memorize Emma Frost’s name.

#3. Jubilee

 

Jubilee

Young, cute, rebellious, gymnast, sidekick to Wolverine, and again with the yellow jacket…everything my teenager comic book reading needed to develop a crush. Come on, she was perfect. The only thing that spoiled it for me was the thought of Wolverine sniffing out that we sneaked out to the movies. Bummer.

#2. Huntress

 

Huntress

Huntress is the ultimate for me; she’s a Batman character, a real woman (no powers), kicking body, kicking action, could hang with the best, proved herself time and time again, and had the BEST costume of any woman in the DC Universe (matter of opinion). I don’t know if it was a specific story that sparked it or if we were just ‘meant to be’ but Huntress has always been my favorite woman of the DC Universe. Wonder Woman, Power Girl, Starfire, they’re all nice but put Huntress in a story and BOOM, I’m hooked. And if my 15 year old self was here he’d suggest Jennifer Love Hewitt as the perfect casting. Looking back, I wish I could tell you I’m laughing at that…but I had it pretty bad for Jennifer Love too.

#1. Caitlin Fairchild

Caitlin Fairchild

Only one girl could battle my crush for Huntress and although I only bought issues of Gen 13 here and there anyone familiar with Jim Lee and J. Scott Campbell’s art on the project, along with her natural wittiness and intellectual skills, can understand why Caitlin Fairchild was the perfect girl for me. She was a looked-up-to naturally born leader who could kick ass and star in a photo shoot all in the same day. Sure it’s cliche, the do everything unrealistic looking female comic book character, but I was a teenager, what was I supposed to do? She’s the rich man’s Lara Croft, my Jonathan Taylor Thomas to all those girls who watched hours of Home Improvement.

Well there you have it, my teen years of comic book girl crushes exposed; from the company crossover creation to the mafia born hottie. There were always characters like Catwoman and Black Widow who were a blast to read also but no one was as awesome to me as these 10. Being older now I look back and laugh, but back then there was nothing funny about April O’Neal or the fireworks between me and Jubilee (get it? eh? eeeh?)

+Continue Reading

Top 10 Worst Marvel Superhero and Villain Costumes

What makes a bad superhero or villain costume? That’s a tough question, because in the world of comic books you’re favorite characters can get away with a lot without looking too silly. Capes for instance, bat ears, and even underwear over trousers! But which comic book characters through the years has over stepped the line that little bit too much and committed some series fashion crimes? Keep reading and I hope you enjoy the Top 10 Worst Marvel Superhero and Villain Costumes.

#10. Mister Sinister

Mister_Sinister

Mister Sinister

WHY: I kind of have a love/hate relationship with this costume. From the tassel type cape and the ridiculously high collar to the cross breed pixie/ kinky thigh high length boots, topped of with a nice big red diamond on the forehead. How very S&M it all is. It’s so bad I can’t help but kinda like it!

 

#9. Power Man

marvel_comics

Power Man

WHY: The hero of the New York ghetto didn’t look very “hard” in his original get up. Let’s face it; the rock hard man with skin made of steel wore a girly head band with a yellow blouse and looked more like a dancer from Fame than the street tough hero we all know and love. He has now thankfully updated himself to just a plain black tee and jeans, although I would like him to sport some sort of costume again, just not one as flamboyant as the original.

 

#8. Yellow Jacket

Hank_pym_1

Yellow Jacket

WHY: It’s those black wing things. What the hell are they there for? They just look ridiculous. The antennae ears don’t look too cool either.

 

#7. Captain Britain/Union Jack

captain-britain

Captain Britain

200px-Jack_(Brian_Falsworth)_002

Union Jack

WHY: I stuck these two in together because they are both as bad as each other. They are both rip off’s of Captain America and it seems not much thought was put into the names or the costume designs either. They are so corny, and being British myself, it’s kind of embarrassing that the UK has no really cool superheroes. Who says just because they’re British heroes that they have to have the Union Jack plastered all over them? Its an obvious and easy design that makes them look like a couple of chavs!

#6. Captain Wonder

Captain_Wonder_Jeff_Jordan_Earth_616

Captain Wonder

WHY: From The Twelve series. Captain Wonder was brought from WWII to the present. Bet he wished he packed some trousers! And what’s with the fin too?

+Continue Reading

Top 10 Lamest DC Comics Villains

Just as famous as the hero’s are some of DC Comic’s villains; look at the Joker, Lex Luthor, Darkseid, and Sinestro just to name a few, and because of their ability to bring our greatest superheroes on their knees and sometimes to the edge of sanity they collect their own fan clubs. People love reading them because  some have an incredible depth to their character, or a mystery surrounding it that leaves their motives unknown, some like them because of their sheer power to put guys like Superman and the Flash on an even keel…but not all of them are awesome. Some leave use scratching our heads wondering what in the world some of the creators were thinking. So in honor of the guys who can’t compare to the big dogs here is our Top 10 Lames DC Comics Villains.

#10. Weather Wizard (Mark Mardon)

Weather Wizard
Weather Wizard

Reason For Being Lame: He controls the weather. With a wand. In an attempt to give him more villain cred though he got some non-wand-dependent powers, but this happened only in the last couple of years: he’s been running around since 1959 waving around a stick creating storms, which in itself can be hardcore, but for guys like Superman and Flash I ask myself, “for 40+ years you couldn’t get this guy’s stick from him?” Lame.

How to make him hardcore: make him a hot woman, in spandex, with no wand. Wait a minute…

#9. Clock King (William Tockman & Temple Fugate)

Clock King

Clock King

Reason For Being Lame: Guns vs. Superheros is lame but at least those guys were trying. Clock King has no powers and no guns, just a great sense of…wait for it…time. Oh and of course he’s also really smart, creates things like teleporters, and the first one was good with a sword. Lately they’ve tried to take him up a notch but really, it’s like lowering a 96′ Honda Civic and putting spinners on it, it’s the car not the accessories that suck.

How to make him hardcore: Give him the power to slow down or speed up the time around him. And screw it, give him a gun.

 

 

#8. Captain Boomerang

Captain Boomerang
Captain Boomerang

Reason For Being Lame: Oh I don’t know, he throws boomerangs! And here’s the part that will blow your mind, he’s Australian. His lameness didn’t go unnoticed though as in 2004 he was killed off, someone shot him. Took 44 years for someone to figure out that a guy with no powers and boomerangs could be stopped by a gun but hey, at least it happened. Don’t get to worried though, he had a son who’s taken up the mantle. Great.

How you can make him hardcore: You don’t.

 

 

#7. Blue Snowman (Byran Brilyant)

Blue Snowman
Blue Snowman

Reason For Being Lame: First off just look at that picture and think about the name Blue Snowman. Secondly, like all powerless beings who fight people with tons of powers, he has a gun, “which she used to create petrifying blizzards and a “defroster ray” to reverse their effect.” (wiki) So reverse blizzards and you read that right, Blue Snowman was a girl, dressed as a guy, dressed as a Blue Snowman.

How to make her hardcore: ditch the cross-dressing, give her a name like Jaqui Frost, and make her eat people. No guns.

 

#6. Dummy (Alter ego unknown)

The Dummy
The Dummy

Reason For Being Lame: It’s exactly what your thinking, a wooden ventriloquist doll that somehow came to life and decided to take it out on the world. Now in 1988 when Child’s Play came out out this became a not-so-lame concept but the trickery he was pulling in the 40′s is just enough to make the list. For a long time it wasn’t known if he was actually a real person or not but after a run-in with Golden Age Green Lantern, Alan Scott, where the Dummy walked through his energy force-field, which didn’t work against wood, was proof that the Dummy was in fact just that. So classic bad asses like the Vigilante were getting beat up and tricked by Pinocchio.

How to make him hardcore: There was a second Dummy created who was not made of wood (Danny the Dummy) but even then it was a stretch. Have him fall in love and marry a beaver, who catches him cheating, and she eats him.

 

 

#5. Fiddler (Isaac Bowin)

The Fiddler
The Fiddler

Reason For Being Lame: We should start with the elephant in the room, Fiddler is only one letter off from Riddler, and he does have magic powers, which he channels through a F’ING FIDDLE. Are you serious? Imagine your middle school band teacher grabbing his tuba and shooting energy blasts out of it. The only cool thing that ever happened to this guy was being killed by Deadshot, a villain who isn’t lame.

How to make him hardcore: He carries around a fiddler case that is really a machine gun. People think he’s there to play for the recital or give your kids lessons, but the tricks on you.

 

#4. Goldilocks (Alter ego unknown)

Goldilocks
Goldilocks

Reason For Being Lame: Straight from wikipedia.com “Her hair is incredibly strong.” She can control it, manipulate it, make it grow, and wreak all kinds of havoc. Why someone thought the girl who found the porridge and bed that was ‘juuuust right’ needed crazy hair she could control is beyond me (Wouldn’t Rapunzel make more sense?). She’s also infamous for wanting to make Robin her “prince charming.” So she’s lame AND a freak.

How to make her hardcore: If strong hair and an unknown alias wasn’t hardcore enough for you she could use some combs that shoot fire or poisonous hair spray.

 

#3. Sportsmaster (Lawrence Crock)

The Sportsmaster
The Sportsmaster

Reason For Being Lame: Sportsman runs around throwing exploding hockey pucks, flying bases, and exploding baseballs while dressing up like a fisherman or golf pro (depending on the event he’s crashing). I guess seeing a rocket baseball bat or exploding football would be scary but behind every fishing lure lined with acid is a sad man who got beat up by the varsity team as a sophomore in high school. Personally, I blame the parents; for never checking what their 30 year old son is doing down in the basement with all those beakers and mysterious drums of chemicals.

How to make him hardcore: turn him into a 350 pound NFL linemen who runs an underground mafia. And if you join his posy you’ll always get those awesome cookies his mom makes during meetings.

 

 

#2. Doctor Spectro (Tom Emery)

Doctor Spectro
Doctor Spectro

Reason For Being Lame: Doctor Spectro is so lame that even the the other comic book characters have pity on him, Green Arrow in #26 said, “When a guy twice your size in a costume tells you to stop doing something–you stop! Unless it’s the Riddler. Or that moron Doctor Spectro. ‘Cause they’re just…sad.” And sad is right, since Doctor Spectro has the ability to change his opponent’s emotions. So he’s supposed to beat up the likes of Wonder Woman, Batman, and Green Lantern by affecting their mood swings? He’s so low on the villain totem pole that dcuguide.com has classified him as a “super-crook.” Can’t even get the “villain” word in there. So sure, you or I could beat the crap of ol’ Spectro but beware, how dumb will you feel when people see you’ve been crying?

How to make him hardcore: Get rid of that ridiculous costume, make him go through a divorce which makes him so mad that he attacks Superman in a fury of rage and since he controls people emotions he’ll make Superman mad too, then Superman kills him. Wait…that’s sad not hardcore.

 

#1. Tweedlede and Tweedledum (Dumfree and Deever Tweed)

Tweedledee and Tweedledum
Tweedledee and Tweedledum

Reason For Being Lame: the #1 lamest DC villain of all time takes the cake by a mile; wikipedia quotes as their power and abilities, “have no powers, but their fat bodies enable them to bounce.” Ok, now read that again but slower, Fat bodies…enable…them…to bounce. Are. You. Kidding. Me? Where do I even start? Well I guess it’s worth noting that fat bodies don’t bounce, I doubt someone named Dumfee or Deever, who have no powers and limited physical ability are capable of getting hired thugs they can boss around, and I wonder how the ability to bounce would give any person (not just superheroes) enough trouble to tell a good story. No guns, no magic, no costumes, no gimmicks, just two fat cousins who bounce.

The Shining Twins

How to make them hardcore: Grant Morrison actually included the two as inmates in his Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth, where they were attached to each other via electroshock helmets, one controlling the right side of the brain the other controlling the left side. I’d like to think that giving them weird haircuts and putting them in a creepy situation (circus with the joker or torturers with the Black Mask) could actually make them pretty intense, specially if they talked weird or had blood stains all over their shirt collars. Kinda reminds me of the two twins in the Shining. So unlike our Boomerang boy and Doctor Spectro, I think these guys could be done right.

So there you have it, the Top 10 Lames DC Comics Villains of all time. What’s even more sad than this list is a) all the other lame-o’s that didn’t make the cut (like Hellgrammite, Puzzler, and Fastball) and b) lame villains isn’t something of the past, it’s more relevant today than ever. Most recently Batman got taken down by a group of high rolling gamblers, Goldilocks (the chick with the hair) was created in 2006, Captain Boomerang’s son is taking over for him, and it was only 12 years ago that Arnold Swarzenegger quoted, “Everybody Freeze.” It isn’t all bad though, they give us something to laugh at.

Still want more?

For more lists like this visit our COMIC BOOK LIST section for articles like the Top 10 Comic Book Girls I’ve Crushed On, our Top 10 Worst Costumed Marvel Characters, and the Top 10 tag.

+Continue Reading

Top 10 Things You Need To Read Before Reading Blackest Night

So, you’re one of those readers who have just heard about Blackest Night, hadn’t read any current Green Lantern, and wanted some background before you jumped in, so you would know what was going on. Don’t worry, I’ve got all the info you’ll need to get caught up on everything going on in the main BN, GL, and GLC during this mega-event. I narrowed it down to 10 storylines you wont want to miss if you want to get a good understanding of the happenings going on, and here they are:

10- Green Lantern Corps: Recharge. This trade paperback is essential to what is happening in the Green Lantern Corps series, because this is where the modern GLC came into existence. Check it out.GLCR

9- Green Lantern: Secret Origin. The modern retelling of Hal Jordan’s origin story, this TPB contains crucial details to BN.SO

8- Green Lantern: Rebirth. This TPB shows the comeback of GL Hal Jordan, the first GL from earth. Definitely will want to read this.GLR

7- Sinestro Corps War Vol. 1. This shows the length’s some will go to destroy the GL Corps. Good reading, out in TPB.SCW1

6- Sinestro Corps War Vol. 2. Same concept as #7, just the second part of it.SCW2

5- Green Lantern Corps: Ring Quest. Witness Mongul’s rise to power within the Sinestro Corps. Definitely check it out.RQ

4- Green Lantern Corps: Emerald Eclipse. This storyline serves as a prologue directly into BN. Not out in TPB yet, so you’ll either have to wait or grab some back-issues.EE

3- Green Lantern Corps: Sins Of The Star Sapphire. Witness the creation of the Star Sapphire Corps, fresh out on TPB.sotss

2- Green Lantern: Agent Orange. Not quite out on TPB yet, but definitely worth picking up in back-issues.AO

1- Green Lantern: Rage Of The Red Lanterns. I don’t want to reveal too much about this, so I won’t. Just trust me, pick up the back-issues, it’s not on TPB yet. You’ll see.RORL

So that’s it, everything you need to get caught up on most of what’s happening lately. I had to leave out some stuff, wouldn’t want you dropping a couple hundred $’s on info you can find out very easily without it. So what do you think of my choices?

Visit our COMIC BOOK LISTS for more!

+Continue Reading

Top 12 Green Lantern Movie Fan Cast: Part 3

  • July 23, 2009 7:26 pm
  • Comments Off

Well, this is the part I’ve been really looking forward to. The final installment of my choices for my dream Green Lantern movie. The first installment was focused on the heroes, there was LOTS of them, so check out my Green Lantern Movie Fan Cast: Heroes for more info on that, who I would have play Hal Jordan, Kyle Rayner, etc. The second installment was focused on the supporting cast, in my dream GL movie, supporting cast is minimal, but still there enough to make an impact, so check that out at my Green Lantern Movie Fan Cast: Supporting Cast for that. And now, the final installment is focused on the one and only villains of the GL universe. The list of GL rogue’s is long and varied, but I find only a select few of them are worthy of the attention a movie gives. So, enough chit-chat, check out my picks:

The villains I would want in a GL movie

The villains I would want in a GL movie

So tell me, what do you think? If you like my pics, say so, if you hate my pics, say so. All feedback is encouraged. So check back here for how I would have the films in a Green Lantern series play out.

Visit our COMIC BOOK LISTS for more!

+Continue Reading

Top 10 Green Lantern Movie Fan Cast: Part 2

Well, If you’ve seen part 1 of this series of post’s, you know what’s going down here. Part 1= the heroes of the film series. Part 2= the supporting cast. Then, finally, the one-and-only Part 3=villains. So far, the Green Lantern Movie has yet to be made, and until then, I’m keeping an open mind. In this series, I will share my top choices for an entire film series of characters and their respective actors. That’s right, an ENTIRE FILM SERIES. Then, once I wrap this post series wrapped up, I will share my personal way of showing the Green Lantern mythos, film by film. Most likely 4 or 5 movies. But that’s not until I’m done with these, and if you’re paying attention, you know that’s just one post away! The hardest part was not making it all about Hal Jordan, because when it comes to supporting cast, none of the Green Lantern’s have much of one, but Hal has the most, Kyle Rayner has a few, but Guy Gardner and John Stewart are almost none. So here it is, my choice’s.

Note: Choices read left-to right

Supporting Cast Collage

Well, there it is, for all of you to see. What do you think? Are they some pretty good choices. I spent about a total of 9 hours researching fan choices for most of these, but most of them I had to come up with my own choices from scratch. So far, I’ve spent a total of roughly 25 hours doing research and making these post’s, just some fun facts. Well that’s all for now folks, and like Michael Jackson, I’m outta here!

Too soon??

Visit our COMIC BOOK LISTS for more!

+Continue Reading

Top 20 Green Lantern Movie Fan Cast: Part 1

  • July 19, 2009 6:32 am
  • Comments Off

Whew, am I tired. I’ve spent a total of about 16 of the last 20 hours working on this. First, I had to do some research, take other people’s opinion’s into consideration, and use all of that to form my own. Second, I had to come up with all of the picture’s. Third, I had to upload them all onto my personal Flickr account and adjust their size’s and what-not, then I had to make a collage using Picasa 3. Then I had to put all the text in. I took an extremely long amount of time just researching the candidates, made several changes, but I am very proud of my pick’s. This is only part 1 of 3. This one is the heroes only, and yes, now that we have learned the Zamaron‘s original intentions, I consider Star Sapphire a hero, the second is the supporting cast of the Green Lantern universe, and the third and final one is all about the villains. I think my pick’s may be a bit of a shock, but trust me, I have my reason’s. Why would I spend so much time writing all of this for a blog? Well, you see, within the next 24 hours, you will be seeing a detailed plot summary of my dream Green Lantern film. But wait, after that, comes part two. Then part three. Depending on how it all play’s out, I may just keep making them.

Clarification: The collage reads left to right, and starting at the GL symbol, all of those pick’s are voices only, because I think those select characters should be done in CG.

Heroes CollageSo, there it is. My pick’s. What do you think? If you have any questions or comments, go ahead and leave it in the little box a little below these word’s. Now I’ve gone roughly 20 hours without sleep, so I’m going to go try and catch some z’s. Peace.

Visit our COMIC BOOK LISTS for more!

+Continue Reading